« My life in lyrics - Prizzes if you guess all the songs | HomePage | ~V~ »
02/08/2008
Pondering
I suppose you can't deny your nature... however much you try. And I suppose also, that deep down, most of us know and understand that are freinds are who they are and we either love them for it or despite of it. (It is not unheard of to try and change a friend, but it is far more common to try and change a family member or partner.) Unfortunately knowing this does not make it any easier when the *nature* of one of your friends teases, hurts or mimics you - however unintentionally.
For instance, I just made my offer to KCL. And even though I am unlikely to go, I am more than a little extatic about getting a place. A lot more emphasis is put on actual performance that the other colleges I applied to and I was not that confident I would make it. I don't think anyone has surpised me in their response.
A: Takes the letter from me, reads, smiles and says, "That's all five then, Well done! ... nobody likes a geek", laughs and walks on
B: "Oh wow, that's amazing" - said hazily
C: "What was the offer"
D: Said in complete shock and surpise, "But we don't want you to go there."
All acted according to the set of principles and fundamental rules that make up their personality. None of them surprised me but they all effected me differently. A made me laugh and then I was smiling for the next 5 minutes (and still now remembering it). B's response was kind and caring but not particularly memorable. C's is practical and made me smile, more because I know I will be congratulated later when I see them. D made me cry (second time in two days but then again I'm tired).
I don't know what the moral of the story it? I don't even know if there is one... I suppose that you can't really expect people to change, and whilst they might curb some of their less pleasent aspects from time to time, usually they do not bother. D is capable of being incredibly kind and caring, and indeed of saying precisely the right thing at the right time. Yet today he decided to not. Either he felt it unnecessary, or he had a week that made thinking ahead to consequences a little difficult, or maybe he has not quite grasped the concept that I might ever have doubted I'd get in. Infact, the latter in the most likely.
Whilst I know all of this, and I know that the injury was anything but intentional. The comment still made me question whether I should have got in, or applied, or felt pleased that I had. It still made me wonder whether the only way I can make D happy is by complying comletely with thier idea of an ideal world. It made me feel rediculous for have said anything to start with.
Now that is *my* nature.
I suppose the questions that come out are...
- Can we ever know our own nature (as in the fundamental "rules" of behaviour and reponse that define our social interactions)?
- To what extent can we change it permementally?
- To what extent can others permamentally alter our behaviour and response patterns?
- To what extent are we able to control our normal behaviour patterns when circumstance demands
xXx
12:53 Posted in Thoughts | Permalink | Email this
Comments
Hmm I think we can find out what we are, what our nature is,
sometimes it requires outside events or people to do so though,
Some parts of yourself can only be revealed through the way you react to events and people around you,
as to changing your nature, it's cetainly possible to change who you are, speaking as someone who did just that, whether that is ones nature or not I'm not sure, or just another layer of possibility.
My personal opinion is that we all have the choice to be whatever we wish to, nature just makes some paths longer and more difficult,
and some doors harder to open,
one man's opinion;
ink.
X
Posted by: ink | 03/04/2008