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02/19/2008
Going forwards, looking back
Haunted is the only word I can use. Nothing sinister or evil, nothing of the forboding one might generally associate with the word, but haunted nonetheless. The only thing to fear is the ever-present risk of becoming lost in the warm delights of peace and nostalgia. And that is a powerful risk. Just a strain of music - a favourite song seldom played - or an idle conversation and the floodgates open leaving you overwhelmed by things long since lost. Haunted.
Do you remember the walk up the hill, so tiring - even if you were lucky and had someone pushing you up? Do you remember racing up? Do you remember trying to dance bare-foot on gravel? Or the time when we ran to the bus-stop a pint in each hand (and a half for the sister) just so we could see a good friend off.
There we were: skirts over jeans over boots (or wellie); assorted tops, jumpers and coats enfolding our sholders - the epitomy of *odd* but oh, so in love with life. I remember I was ill that summer, but I don't remember anything else. Whatever ailed me has been lost in a haze of sun, light, music and above all... movement.
The polka in the concert - dodging sleeping babies.
Or stillness... Like when we walked to the beach the other side of the gardens. You tried to psycho-analyse me (who knows if you suceeded or not)... The horse was particularly amusing given later events, I have to say I think it was (from one angle) completely inaccurate - but maybe not. Do you remember just lying there? Or watching the waves?
Do you remember when you beat me skimming stones for the first (and only!) time?
I still remember the journey home. The saddest memory perhapse, or maybe just the hardest... the most vivid of them all. Staring through the window as the sea vanishes behind us. Almost too tired to stay awake when we visit friends. The familiar sights and signs as we reach the East... 50 miles, 20 miles, 3 miles ... home.
It is hard to believe I almost didn't stay.
So there we are - haunted.
xXx
(Note - the *we* or *you* refers to several people)
22:15 Posted in Life , Thoughts | Permalink | Email this