If life were a bowl of cherries...

I used to think that there would come a "right time"; that there would be a time and a place and a set of circumstances that would be safe. I used to think that sometime I would find the space to go through all my old demons and ghosts from unfading memories in the same way that every summer I have time to go through all the junk that accumlates in my bedroom. I used to go through my days and weeks putting everything I felt and saw and heard on hold (so to speak) and storing it all up until this magical time came when I would be allowed a few months free of all responsability and commitment. Then, and only then, would I sort through the mess that I had kept locked away for all those years. Then, and only then, would I free myself to move on.

Until that point, the effects of everything that happened would simply be postponed.

Then I stopped believing that that "right time" would ever happen. But I still kept storing it all. That caused a little bit of mess.

That might be a slight understatement.

Recently I have been developing a new theory. I talked it over with a close friend of mine and she seems to be coming to the same conclusion. Whether this proves my progress and personal development or whether this simply confirms my insanity is yet to be decided :P I'm sure it makes little difference either way.

In a sense I was partially right in both my previous theories. There will never be a "right time". There will never be a time in anyone's life when all those things that make the days drag, those thing that make the nightmares linger... there will never be a time when those disappear. There is always something new, always something else to be getting on with. 

And that in itself is a gift (if you learn to see it the right way). I am rather too curious about what tomorrow will bring, to give up totally on today.

But I have come to the conclusion that whilst there is never a right time, a right place or the right circumstances to make you step back, ackowledge what you are and then get on with it, there may be the right people - or person.

And that suddenly, when you least expect it... and certainally when you are least ready or prepared for change... these people swan into your life and create havoc. And suddenly there is no time to question whether this is the right time or the wrong time. Suddenly you don't stop to decide whether it is safe to air old wounds and luggage that is holding you back. Suddenly, none of that matters.

Something gives you the strenght to throw caution far beyond anywhere the winds have gone before.

Something gives you the courage to take the risk.

Something gives you the confidence to dare to stand and not to run or hide or pretend...

And generally that something doesn't give you a choice.

So no, there isn't a time when it all becomes easy and you can methodically sort through a lifetime of crap. And there isn't a time when all the people who expect and demand things of you inexplicably decide to look the other way.

But there will come a time when you meet people who turn your life upside down and inside out.

And you'll be amazed at what comes out in the wash       -       half the time without you even realising it.

xXx