If life were a bowl of cherries...

I don't know if I can reliably communicate just how exhausted I am.

I have just got back from Sidmouth Folk Festiva. 11 days campin, unfortunatel mostly in the rain, wasn't actually that bad. Neither was my Stewarding shifts which involved manning a carpark that help at most 200 cars. Nor really was sitting in on Stuarts shifts (as I made a habbit of sleeping in them). And yet the festival was a strain. Such is th way things go.

Maybe going on holiday less than a month before I leave this country for a year... is less than a good idea. It was good to see everyone again, but I know full well that i didn't have the emotional (or physical) energy to do the reunions justice. More than anything else I just needed time, and quiet.... ... ... ... not entirely condusive to a festival.

It feels like I haven't stopped *doing* for years (I know it is only half a month). I got back from my actual holiday at Stuart; went to the WOW fest and Yvonnes then worked Monday, shopped and packed Tuesday and travelled on Wednesday. I returned Sunday and have spent the last two days sorting out a leaving party for myself and avoiding beginning to pack - will start tonight. 

I also spent 2 hours of last night awake and quite incredibly restless - tossing and turning is for once an entirely accurate phrase.

Am I scared about going? No. I respect the challenge but I believe that I am greater than it. No, not scared of going. Very scared of losing what I am leaving behind. So much has fallen into place over the last 3 or 4 months and it seems an unfortunate time to learn to truly value company and friendship just before I am due to leave. I suppose I am meant to learn trust and patience as well, but they are not easy lessons.

Mostly I am just tired I think. Tired of thinking, tired of doing. Sick to the death of "To Do" lists. 

Oh well. However much I want 24 hours of peace before I go, I know it isn't possible. There is too much to do, too many people to see and so few days left. I might as well keep on running to the endline now.

xXx