If life were a bowl of cherries...

Sometime, around February this year a good friend of mine made a rather a profound statement. Well actually he made it to a then friend of mine during a discussion that was later repeated to me,

"I don't think even Ruth knows what she wants." 

He was right.

It can be surprising how quickly things change.

I dont know if I can put it into words. I don't know if I can explain it. I don't even know if it makes sense. But that doesn't matter, it is my life, my choice and my desire. There is no one I have to justify it to.

I want to give as much as I can whenever I can. I want to be useful. I want to have a house or appartment of my own. I want to have the run of a country should I chose it. I want to be able to chose the time I go out and the time I come home. I want to be able to cook my meals or go out for dinner as I wish. I want to be able to walk to the pub. I want to dance. I want to be able to act on whim.  I want to see people smile. I want to laugh. I want to play for hours and no one mind. I want to see the people I love change.

I want to go walking in the park in the rain wearing my red skirt and my green shoes and coat.

I want to grin because it is sunny and the flowers are smiling.

I want to love.

I want to learn.

I want to live.

Most of all I want to live.

For me, for what I can do and for what I can aim for. For what I enjoy and what is worthwhile even though I don't. I want to have stories to tell and memories to share. I want to be able to look back and say that I havn't wasted the time that was mine to use.

It' going to be fun.

xXx