If life were a bowl of cherries...

Well actually I reckon it is there and reasonably active at the moment. Although not in a good mood with me.

 

Currently my immune system is fighting wars on all fronts.

 

I have a tummy bug which is making me sick and not helping me maintain anything like a reasonable appetite. On top of that I have cut my lip open (bitten it about 7 of 8 times in the past 4 days - once it is swollen the chances of biting it again increase exponentially!) so they are fighting all sorts of bugs off there. Summer has kicked in with a vengence (No sun :( :( ) and my lungs are playing havoc - on top of that my boyfriend and my sister seem to have a caugh, so even if I havn't contracted it I am still fighting yet more bugs.

 

I am sleeping well periodically, but in a near constant state of fatigue which means I am in glasses for almost everything an cease to be functional at around 6pm. Headaches and dizziness have become a standard state of affairs. 

 

And I have just let the nurse inject me with (I'm assuming dead) forms of Hep B. Which REALLY hurt.

 

Anyway... that can't please it as now it also has the task of making me lots of Memory T and B lymphocytes for that as well...

 

Might go and find some neurofen in a moment, but I am living off the stuff.

 

Either way, I have decided to give me immune system a hand. Firstly by remembering to *take* all my asthma drugs and anti-histamine. Secondly by drinking enough water. Thirdly by putting bonjella on my lip - reduces swelling so less likely to bite it! Fouthly by taking in sufficient Vitamin C / Mg / Ca etc... (mostly orange juice so far :P although I intend to stew some apples in cinnamon for lunch). Finally I have on my desk a large mug of strong, sweet coffee that I fully intend to finish drinking,

 

This is just a comfort thing

 

xXx 

I bid you greetings

All you angry men
And outraged women
Who sit and stare - for hours on end -
At the news reels on your TV screen
Who scroll through pages of

INTERNET HEADLINES

Tut and shake your head
Or shake your fist
And swear about injustice

 

I bid you greetings

You! Who's blood boils
And who's muscle trembles
In contempt
At the Dictators, the TNCs, the Banks, the Presidents, the Priests and the Teachers

As you sit and stare
And wait for the next headline
As you sit and stare
Eagar for the next to fuel your mindless fury
As you sit and stare

As you sit

 

As you sit

 

AND DO NOTHING

 

You sit and stare

At the woman beaten blue by a teenage daughter
At the vicar up in court, or the poedophile for rape
At the athlete torn apart by a long forgotten mine
At the young girl in the brothel waiting for her client
At the father searching in the ruins of a blowout
For a wife, for a parent, for a child, for a cousin, for an uncle, for a grandson, for a friend... for anybody?

 

You sit and stare

At a natural disaster wreaking havoc on a city
And swear hatred at the leaders,
At their lack of human pity

 

You sit and stare

 

And do nothing.

 

In your youth
In your passion
In your strength
In your self

 

You who have the power to shake the mountains
Who have the might to tople the steeples
And tear down the palaces

You have the feet that could teach the world to dance
You have the hands that could heal the scars that still deform
You have the tongues that could bring wisdom
You have the minds that could imagine something better

 

Most of all you have the hearts
The anger
The passion
The blood and the guts


Most of all you have the heart
That could
Give you

Strength

 

To change things

 

But you don't
You sit and stare.
In your selfish, smugness and self-centred pious righteousness
You watch the world go to hell in a handcart
And shake your head
And shake your fist

 

Then turn the TV off

 

And go to bed.

 

 

At least those without the wit, or the compassion...
Without the heart or the soul to be angry...
At least they can sleep

 

Without their own hypocrisy tainting their dreams

 

I bid you greetings
And I bid you goodnight

 

You sicken me.

 

xXx 

 

 

Don't judge me for the clothes I wear - they will be different tomorrow.

 

Don't judge me for the music I listen to - I can turn it off.

 

Don't judge me for the salary I earn - I work for what I can, same as you. 

 

Do not judge me for my education - The skills we aquire are nothing to how we apply them. 

 

Don't judge me for the company I keep - I might see something in them you don't.

 

Don't judge me for the leaders I obey - obeidience does not equate to respect.

 

Don't judge me for the lover's I chose - Who I love does not define me.

 

Don't judge me for the Gods I worship or the temple I use - For you know the truth no better than I.

 

Don't judge me for my intelligence - Knowledge can only ever lead us so far.

 

Don't judge me for my age - years bring as much folly as wisdom.

 

Don't judge me for my politics - you do not know my reasons.

 

Don't judge me by what I am called - there is nothing in a name.

 

 

 

Judge me by my actions; and see all the above fall into perspective.

 

And I shall judge you by yours.

 

xXx 

  

 

  

No longer do I sit at the end of your bed and talk long into the night. No longer do I ask your approval or seek to justify my choice by pointing out virtues and wisdom (?) and above all the potential they have for all that could be good. No longer do I try to twist their words and their actions into something - anything - I can respect.

 

No longer do you try to calm me; try to find ways to agree with my self-deception. This time is not like those times before. You've said so yourself.

 

This time. 

 

I don't need your approval. And for that very reason, I am fairly certain I have it. But I DONT NEED it. I have made my choice (if you can call it that) and I regret nothing. I don't need to justify. I don't need to explain. I don't need your reassurance and your blessing.

 

My life, my choice, my happiness. And for once I am happy. More than I can say.

 

But not so much that you can't catch a glimpse in my voice, or my face, or my words.... from time to time.

 

Does the security bring the happiness?

 

Does the happiness allow me to feel secure?

 

Does it matter?

 

If I can never explain. If there is no need to justify. If I feel no obligation to answer for myself or my choice, then the answer is probably not.

 

No longer do I sit at the end of your bed and talk long into the night, because there is nothing I can say. You can see far better what I would like to say, if you just spend just one day watching. 

 

And that is what is different this time.

 

xXx 

There ae many ways to go away.

 

Some peope lose themselves in the dark passages of their minds. They re-visit old hours and past minutes, they works slowly though archives of emotion and experience, observing all and feeling none. And sometimes they get so lost the visions cease to make sense and they can wonder, lost, for hours on end in a labyrinth of their own designing.

 

For some it is different. They become children. Eagar, expectant, excitable. Each emotion they feel is displayed, so openly, and then cast aside as quickly as it was formed. Tactile and mobile. They do not sit, but turn and look and watch and touch and feel and question. There may be no purpose in any of this. But the distraction keeps them occupied; takes them back to a time when it was easier to let the clouds slide on by. For the moment, they are safe.

 

Some people dress up. New suit, better make up - you can see it all the time. The accesories are superfluous. What they actually do is build another person. This guise is not necessarily better or worse, or much different to their real self (if they are practised), it is simply an easier life to live. This new self processes things better, and anything that does not fit the processing can be forgotten or ignored.

 

Some people count things, or double two, or engross themselves in a logic or maths puzzel. Some people create an entire universe inside their head. Or bury their conciousness in the imaginations of other authors. 

 

Some people take drugs. Some people take up exctreme sports. Some people run. Some combine the two in parkour. Some people drink. Some people hurt themselves. Some people lose themselves in sex. Some people immerse themselves utterly in their own anger.

 

There are many ways to go away.

 

The question is not why. The question is not how. The quesiton is not where, or even for how long. 

 

The quesiton is how the hell do we bring them home?

 

xXx