If life were a bowl of cherries...

Ruth has tied 19 knots in a piece of elastic band (broken)... but it snapped so she had to stop.

 

xXx 

Sometime, around February this year a good friend of mine made a rather a profound statement. Well actually he made it to a then friend of mine during a discussion that was later repeated to me,

 

"I don't think even Ruth knows what she wants." 

 

He was right.

 

It can be surprising how quickly things change.

 

I dont know if I can put it into words. I don't know if I can explain it. I don't even know if it makes sense. But that doesn't matter, it is my life, my choice and my desire. There is no one I have to justify it to.

 

I want to give as much as I can whenever I can. I want to be useful. I want to have a house or appartment of my own. I want to have the run of a country should I chose it. I want to be able to chose the time I go out and the time I come home. I want to be able to cook my meals or go out for dinner as I wish. I want to be able to walk to the pub. I want to dance. I want to be able to act on whim.  I want to see people smile. I want to laugh. I want to play for hours and no one mind. I want to see the people I love change.

 

I want to go walking in the park in the rain wearing my red skirt and my green shoes and coat.

 

I want to grin because it is sunny and the flowers are smiling.

 

I want to love.

 

I want to learn.

 

I want to live.

 

Most of all I want to live.

 

For me, for what I can do and for what I can aim for. For what I enjoy and what is worthwhile even though I don't. I want to have stories to tell and memories to share. I want to be able to look back and say that I havn't wasted the time that was mine to use.

 

It' going to be fun.

 

xXx 

Have you ever danced... something new and utterly unfamiliar... yet somehow the music and movement seemed so natural with each step flowing seemlessly into the next?

 

Have you ever found a perfect harmony to the perfect melody... one that strikes just the right note of dissonance to catch the heartstrings?

 

Have you ever smiled so much your cheecks ached ... and it was still worth the energy?

 

Have you ever baked a cake you couldn't stop eating?

 

Have you ever talked into the night without knowing the time?

 

 

 

 

 

Why did you leave it? 

 

xXx 

What do I want…? (In bold I have the opportunity to do, italics are a maybe)

 

-         To be somewhere I can play music safely, frequently and with some accountability (teachers/churches/people to poke me)

-         To save some money - both for use and to save for Edinburgh.

 

-         To know my family to and friends will be safe and I can get to them if I need to

 

-         To have independence - to be able to go out when I want both alone and in a group, to be able to safely go for runs.

 

-         To feel like I am contributing meaningfully to something.

 

-         Privacy... ... !!!!!!! (I.e. not having someone open my door without waiting for an answer!)

 

-         To be somewhere new / different... out of Cambridge

 

-         To have people to share my experiences with

 

-         Internet / way to keep up with friends and family

 

-         To feel I can actually contribute something to my relationship with my boyfriend

 

-         To finish the music/songs I am messing around with

 

-         To finish the painting

 

-         To finish the poems

 

-         To swim and lifeguard

 

-         To do my diploma singing

 

-         To become proficient at organ - enough to play at a church regularly with some integrity.

 

-         Learn the Ovid Metamorphosis :D - not to perform, just for technicality

 

-         To be able to do some of my kayaking / RYA / Powerboat courses

 

 

 

 

Of these: which are vital

 

-         To be somewhere I can play music

-         To have independence

-         To feel like I am contributing meaningfully to something.

-         Privacy

-         Communications

Of these which do I have here for certain.

 

….

 

….

 

Ah

 

 

Any thoughts?

xXx

The difference between bravery and stupidity:

 It's bravery when things go well. 

It's stupidity when they don't.

 

xXx