If life were a bowl of cherries...

I have new reeds. Howarths also offer a very nice Student discount on their reeds so I got 5 reeds and C. P. E. Bach's Sonta in G minor for something silly like £60. :D This equals a slightly excitable (and excited) Ruth. ~ apparently this is a good thing and should be repeated. I also very much like the fact that I can walk in, borrow an oboe and TRY all the reeds before I buy them. This way I have a very good set to take away that includes:

• Some playable now (i.e. 40mins to blow in)
• Some playable later (i.e. a few days/ weeks)
• Some beautifully rich
• Some more piercing but easier to play for rehearsals or long scales/fingerwork practises

It is strange though... I've started reading around science again. Or just having conversations with people. Like the other night we were at the pub and ended up discussing quantum physics vs evolution vs global change vs environment with two complete randomer's who joined our table. I sort of wish I had the confidence to do that - just join a table. But hey, there is time I s'pose. Great conversation though.

Or the other day trying to work out if there was any logic in allowing extra-terrestrial races (in sci-fi plots) to have both evolved, peaked and then died into nothing long before human technology allows us to discover the ruins. The argument was that we have to assume that the big bang is a limiting factor for all species. We also have to assume that is takes a certain length of time to form a planet and then form a planet capable of supporting life (even if their equivilent of a respiratory pigment isn't oxygen). The species on this planet then have to evolve conciousness, then industry, then technology. Ok, planets form at different times and species evolve in different ways and at different rates depending on the selection pressure and the nature of the species (gestation period being a rather obvious limiting factor). But, is there really enough lee-way to invent entire species of *higher* beings that have lived and died whilst our planet was still in its infancy?

I don't think I can actually answer this as I don't know enough about the time frame of the history of the Universe, but I would guess not. Particularly as most of these races seem to be far more technologically advanced and therefore will have developed ways to make themselves resiliant to extinction (so to speak). Mind you, it is true that they tend to have bewiped out by some catastrophy or other and then our daring human pilots and scientists can go in and use all this amazing alien technology that can be so easily adapted for human (no alien) use! ... but that is another debate.

Stuart is now laughing at me. Apparently my disdain for his reed-soaking abilities is comical! (NEW REEDS)

Anyway... it seems the dichotomy is still there. Music? Science? Music and science? Teaching? Performing? Writing? Lifeguarding? Proffesional snake charmer? ... and I still want to own that cafe!

Poly-chotomy seems a more appropriate term.

But I fear I am being anti-social and shall vanish (like magic, or some strange alien technology :P) - forgive me my childishness, new music does this to me!

xXx

...And don't think I didn't hear your groan.

I have finished my 7 days of exams. I have done well in biology and chemistry (I had already written the biology synoptic essay of my own accord for revision - plant reproduction!! :D :D) and I am TERRIFIED about music - but such is the way. Hopefully my more than adequate marks from last year will tide me over. (*crosses fingers*)

I have also been out to dinner, a party and a ball.... Met some really rather interesting and entertaining new people, worked out how to do our song for Cabaret (Wed and Thur this week)... and written the A section of a gig. You shouldn't let me spend hours tuning on a recorder :P gone through every dance form I know from pavanne to sarabande to gig to reel.... :D oh and lots of minuets because they are pretty.

Oh and another song on the train... well beginnings of

Different trains honey, different line
Different trains/ways(?) honey, different mind
You'll go your way
And I'll go mine
You've done you worst
Soon I'll be feeling just fine / now I'm feeling just fine (?)

xXx 

Just finished with the Ladies Baber-Shop choir and WE SOUND GOOD! lmao... we actually do. :D I love taking choirs, particularly when we are singing good music. I don't get the chance that often and though I suppose this choir is technically Sutcliff's baby, its great to have been so involved. 

In the space of 30 minutes we have gone from utterly fudging something to singing it pretty damn well. It didn't take the much either. Just a little bit of breaking things apart and working on lines in pairs. Saying difficult rhythms before we sang them. Working out how parts linked together and where things were either consonant or dissonant. Things I have learnt from countless choir directors over the last decade and a bit (from their successes and mistkaes). Elementary stuff.

Practise. 

The choir just needed a few corners ironing out. Just a few odd notes coorrected and rhythms reheased to precision. Just a little confidense and familiarity. OH and fun! Lots of laughs, lots of jokes... lots of arguments over who was more stunning: The Alto's or Sopranos (The Metzos decided they won hands down anyway). But it is truly wonderful to work with a choir who will be in hysterics and then you count them 4 in and they find their note and start singing! :D  Makes such a difference.

But I am good at it. It is one of the few things I'll admit I am good at. And I love it so much.  

xXx 

PS: Please excuse the appalling pun... it's my blog and I'll write what I like however much it insults the English language.

I hope you all noticed the footnote in the last post!

Music Ruth ... Well I want it, I don't know if I need it... and not too keen on finding out, just GIVE IT TO ME! :P:

Organ:

Complete Bach!!!! Urtext edition complete with editor/performance notes
Some Buxtehude
Some Lubeck
Widor Tocatta
Carillon de Westminster
Matthias Albumn
Some Messian
Hindeminth - the one Hall plays in Communion
Louis Lefbure-Wely Albumn - MUST include the Sortie in E flat
A selection of Modern Organ Music
Something English and Reformation ish... looking at musical changes maybe :P
The Thunderbirds piece!

Oboe: 

CPE Bach
Britten Metamorphesis - amusement value
Hinderminth Sonata
Albinoni Duet in F - ANY Albinoni Really
Bach - more as technical exercises than anything else, they are pretty as well :P
Weber Concertino
More Grovlez
Gabriel's Oboe

I WANT TO FIND MY COPY OF SAINT SAENS OBOE SONATA! I hate playing from other people's music... it's like playing the finals at Wimbledon with someone else's racket - hypothetically possible, but unpleasent!

Singing:

The WICKED score
Some Brahms - love songs mostly - pwettifull
Elgar, Sea Pictures
Sondheim Collection
B Minor Mass
Stabat Mater
Dixit Dominus
Book of French Romantic Period stuff...
Some Rossini
More Blues, Jazz, Musicals... etc

Piano / Harpsichord:

Shostakovich Preludes and Fugues
Rachmaninov Piano Conertos
Debussy Collection
Goldberg Variations
Complete 48
Schumann / Schubert Piano works  - not played enough, but like the stuff I have
Pour le Piano - Debussy again
Saint Saens! :D
Copeland

 xXx

I AM feeling communicative today aren't I... :S

Partly because I am at home and so these ramblings end up online instead of just in my notebook or head! 

Partly because I just seem to be in a *musing* sort of mood.

Partly because writing is a wonderful way of procrastinating.

Mostly because I am awake and it is 2:30am!

I dislike coffee... it does strange things to my body... Like making me sick and unable to stomach anything other than water (and only that at a push). It also keeps me awake and conscious which is the obvious advantage to the rather unpleasant reality of ingesting known toxins. 

Has actually been very interesting researching the oboe... wonderful book of my mothers that has a complete analysis of one of the pieces I am playing in my recital. Which reminds me I must get a sick oboe mended tomorrow! :S Very lonely without! I'm curious to see how the research changes the way I play! ... Still trying to find ANYTHING on this mysteriously non-existent Weber Concertino; I am beginning to suspect that it was written for Clarinet first and then altered. I might have to change it to the Schumann Romanzes. I will ask tomorrow... today.

I love research... I rarely get a chance to do any... apparently it is a waste of time with regards to my A Level course - *swears in an obscene and vulgar manner to no one inparticular*

Will let you know how the rest goes.

I shall now finish this episode of Black Books and then true to sleep... and pray my stomach stops complaining

xXx 

Well I'm back. And whilst I got used to the cold up North (took a few hours!), my room is still freezing - it is 04:43 and my heating has been off for 4 days now with no people in the room! Consequently, I am now curled up in my duvet and very warm and snuggly dressing gown (one of my few PINK items of clothing, so to speak) wearing my favourite jumper (red with teddy bears on) and for some reason (unknown) writing a blog post instead of sleeping.

Hey ho - it is what I do.

Went on Uni visits... I'm sure I will talk about this more either here or with people in person.

I LOVED the city of Durham. I am GOING to live there at some point in my life - if only for a year or two. In fact I Love the north generally and would really like to move up there... Cambridge is beautiful... but it is so ... clean-cut? ... compared to Durham. Although I did find the two surprisingly similar in style and aura. 

I did not like the course... or rather, I didn't like the fact that they were ashamed of being academic about music.

Edinburgh City grew on me over the course of the day. At first it was just another city... (despite living in suburbs all my life I am most definitely *not* a city girl.) But over the course of the day I wondered around areas, found green, found little quirky shops that I loved, found a very good pizza place and most important of all found LOTS and LOTS of jazz, folk, salsa, shows, concerts, gigs, ceilidhs and music in general. It wasn't until the end of the day that I saw the sea... and that sealed it for me. I also love Edinburgh... Maybe not so much as Durham (It is still very much a city)... but I could easily love living there!  I will go back and visit again in the summer :D

The course is also fantastic. Academic but with some performing. And the university has a really very impressive collection of concert halls, organs and MANY MANY MANY early instruments :D :D :D :D :D :D :D lol.... I also liked the lecturer and the way the student showing us around was holding a cope of "Music and the Reformation in England" - a brilliant period to study the socio-histoical context of music! 

I am now going to have fun comparing to Cambridge... wish me luck!

*************

It is strange when you give your heart to something... particularly when you've spent so long swearing violently against it. 

I seem to be doing that far too much at the moment; I'm not sure how many hearts I have left. 

Most of us spend our lives telling stories. Whether these stories are worth hearing (or even telling) is a completely different and highly contentious matter. Sometimes the stories we tell are true, often elaborated and exaggerated, rarely completely fictitious but always personal on some level or other. I can never work out if we only ever tell stories that have meaning for us or that the act of telling a story makes it a part of us regardless of any previous emotional involvement. We use stories to teach, to ease social situations, to explain, to pass the time, to amuse, to frighten, to threaten and to comfort. They permeate every aspect of our lives.

But just because we live a life almost dependent on storytelling does not mean we aren't highly selective about the stories we tell. One of the first lessons a child learns at school (if not before) is the necessity to judge an audience and gauge a level of propriety before telling their story. It may take them the rest of their life to acquire this required skill if they manage it all (and most appear not to), but I would argue that the necessity is something that becomes apparent very early in life. 

I suppose that there are countless reasons for keeping a story to yourself. Many reasons which all, at some level or another, boil down to fear. Fear of hurting loved ones, fear of ridicule, fear of repercussions, fear of not being able to tell the story, fear that the story wont be appreciated. So many things can go wrong when we open our mouths. So many things *could* come out. So much damage *could* be done. Speaking is a risk. And yet we continue to tell our stories - judging the reward worth the danger. 

How much is it our need to tell stories that makes us human?

I am listening to the Matthaus-Passion at the moment. I can't decide which I prefer out of this work and the B minor mass. They are both stunning. I love listening to modern music (folk, rock, metal, jazz) that stirs up emotion: determination, anger, pride, sardonic amusement. I love listening to gargantuan romantic symphonies that pick up your soul and carry you somewhere completely other. I love listening to Floyd, Bowie (on occasion), Runrig, Show of Hands, Brahms, Rossini, Rachmaninov, Cage, Messian, Tavener, Stravinski.... I love the feeling of being completely caught up in a performance or composition - the way the audience hold their breathe through the piece whethr it is 5 minutes or 45. {Although I wish they would hold it 5 seconds longer at the end of a movement and wait for the last note to die.} 

There is something slightly different about the Baroque. It still takes you somewhere. But fo me it always seems less pushy or forceful in doing so. There is a cleaness in the part writing that is lost as soon as Beethoven and Wagner arrive. A purity in the harmony that vanishes with the turn of the 19th Century. And yet, there is none of the basic simplicity of the Classical era... none of the twee yet pretty classics that can be so easily summed up with the word "Mozart". There is something so delightful in the mathematical precision of the counterpoint - so many individual layers that tessellate so well. Dissonance that is prepared and resolved without fuss or glamour... 

This music rarely stirs up violent emotion. it does not generally move me to tears or fill me with energy. But I love to listen to it. It calms me I suppose; order and beauty complimenting each other so well. Emotional, yes, but it almost more personal in its understatement (compared to Romantic expression). Whatever has happened that day to anger or hurt me, I can (if I think of it) put on the Trio Sonatas, Pergolesi Stabat Mater, Mattheus-Passion, Allegri, a Byrd mass... and my heartbeat with regulate itself, my breathing fall in sync with the pulse of the music. And I sit and listen. Immerse myself. And after a few minutes - 3, 5, 30, 90? - I get up and continue with the day, my thoughts clearer and my emotions less clouded. 

xXx 

• I have chosen my first option for University. I will accept the place at Girton, Cambridge. The decision has taken a while - even though I knew what it would be in the end (confusing eh?), but I needed to be sure that I was happy with it and I am. I loved the college the first time I saw it, the course is brilliant and opportunities to play are just silly really. But I have to say what clinched it was having access to The Round, The Reels Society... and all the other opportunities for dance. Oh, and the Library!!!! :P (But that is fa too geeky to write here :P)

• I have filled out the Sidmouth Stewarding Application form for Sidmouth. I will be attending, I will be camping, I will be dancing in the street in my bare bare feet (to coin a phrase) and in the ford, and in the sea, and around the Ham... I will be attending breakfast and cream tea workshops with rigorous regularity and I WILL BE HAVING FUN!

• I have almost finished sorting out all the paperwork that has ended up at school.... Not actually done much with it yet, but it is all in neat piles all over my bed - might sleep on the floor today :P

• I passed both timed swims. The air may have tasted of acidic smoke, I may have caughed all night, I may have been cold, I may have had a headache... but I PASSED THE TIMED SWIMS!!! I *Can* do it... and I am happy.

• I played the Albinoni Oboe duet with Chi yesterday - she playec flute :P It was so much fun. There is little better than playing with someone, particularly when that person actually wants to pkay and make music with you and so does communicate and put emotion into her playing. We'll learn it and see if we can get it recorded. :D Was great fun. Need to find some more now. Maybe one that is writted for oboe and flute.
  

• Got training program for the gym. Got to love Alex. He is so lovely. Anyway, been meaning to for ages - otherwise I just go along and run for far too long and then go home again. So getting a program working mostly on strength and flexibility (sailing and dancing). One hour core muslces, which is my favourite one because, even though it doesn't build up much of a sweat, you really feel like you've done something afterwards. Then another set of weights and funness and then one cardio and endurance set. 'Tis all good fun. :D But it is also very good to know what you are doing to your body when you exercise, how you might damage it and also how you can put it right again.
  

• It was sunny yesterday. However much I rant about my school,the capus is stunning on occasion (depends a lot on light levels). But at the moment the entrie deerpark is drowned in yellow daffodils or tiny blue flowers that I don't know the name of. Next time it is that lovely I shall go for a walk by the river - I've missed it this winter.

"A touch of concealer beneath the eyes, a stroke of mascara gives a look of surprise"

"She likes to wake up in the morning and just fake it"

"So if you're thinking of leaving one boot out the door - it looks more like leaving to me"

"Bye Bye my old friend, never gonna see my face again"

 "It's only forever, not long at all"

"Farewell friends, I hear the call, the ships beside the stony wall" 

"I must go down to the seas again,
to the vagrant gypsy life,"

"I wouldn't have to answer for the promises I broke, like the president today when he drank and snorted coke."

"We hurt the ones we love the most. (It's a subtle form of compliment)"

"Love is a curious thing, butterfly's fragile wing"

"The father's song, the father's love, he sang it over me, and forever... it is written on my heart"

"Love to the loveless shown,
That they might lovely be.
O who am I, that for my sake
My Lord should take, frail flesh and die?"

"I'm flying high, defying gravity"

"Cause you are the wind beneath my wings" 

"A champagne supernova in the sky"

"And nothing's gonna hold me back" 

"And if it seems too much like happy ever after... maybe it will be, for a little while"

xXx 

After a protracted period of silence I feel strongly persuaded to present you with a plethora of progessions in my otherwise pedestrain life. :P (I realised after the second p that I could have some fun with this sentance and I will once again use the time-old excuse... its MY blog!)

Anyway... to those of you who do not already know, I am doing music at Uni!!  :D And over the moon. Seriously, my cheecks are complaining because I am grinning to much. Not only do I now have time to do the things I wish to do (like practise, or read, or draw or listen), but no! This is encouraged in me. Active development of skills outside the classroom is encouraged and praised. No longer do I have to feel guilty for practising for more than the allotted 45 minutes. I am free! And it is wonderful. 

And as for my degree... I can't wait. 

Along with this I have given up Further maths. This is a less joy-bringing development, I do enjoy maths and will be sorry so see it go (despite the extreme hang-hold it had on my time). However, I do not enjoy - and neither am I good at - so that is less of a loss. And as I need the time, am not certain of an A, and do not enjoy the course I woulkd have to take it seemed like the logical conclusion. I will pick maths up again when I have time and inclination (If this means never I will be dissapointed, but so be it). 

Music itself is going well. I still need to order reeds from Howarths, so that will happen tomorrow. Started playing piano again - a glorious piece of Schumann! Which I will do in a concert sometime. Might pester one of the teachers to give me playing advice, but it seems fairly self-explanitory. Organ is organ. Some brilliant hymns, and even better volentaries. The head decided to announce my scholarship in assembly, I don't know how I feel about that.  :S  oh... and how do I tell the difference between Sibeleus and Wagner? ("Sounds like toffee pudding" applies to both!)

Went to the English Society last night. Which I have a strange feeling I enjoyed more than the English Students there. The talk was basically on "what is literature" and the perspective was that literature is a piece of writing that intrinsically serves no purpose and that now (with the rise in consumerisation) we no longer have literature as all written word is a comodity. Here I must disagree with a several issues:

• Publised books have always been a comodity; nowadays that comodity is accecisble to all instead of just the wealthy.
• If literature serves no purpose then there can be no literature written in the past as all historical literature gives us significant insight into that culture and how social states functioned during that period. Literature also allows us to develop our understanding of people and how people see things - it is in essence one persons view on a scenario be it imaginary or the combination of a series of events theyhave experienced.
• All writing has a purpose as it is written (perhapse not conciously so). People write what they feel, how they think, what polotics they support and abhor, the qualities they admire or distain - all these factors come across through good literature as the author (in part) tries to communicate and promote their own beliefs. Few people positively advertise that which they dislike.
• True, part of the beauty of literature is that is is based in fantasy and does not point to specific instances in time and tangible objects or events (and in this sense it is nothingness and "useless") but this does not mean it serves no purpose. If we limit purpose to the epirical then we limit all sense of culture/unity/emotion/faith/belief and also all sense of identity and history. We can not bring out our sense of beloninging (to a family or a group) as an object to see when it is discussed (Guliver's Travels - the philosophers) and neither can we identify a specific purpose for literatue that is ubiquitous. This does not mean one does not exist.
• The moment we try to define literature, to categorise it, to class it and treat it as something which can be contained and measured then we loose sight of so much, you cannot qualify the emotive and the beautiful. Why is something beautiful? Because it fulfills the golden ratio? Or because we take pleasure in it? Because the colours do not comflict? Or because it reminds us of a time we were happy?
  

Sorry, that was an incredibly badly constructed set of arguments/thoughts. My head is still reeling slightly as it was a very in depth talk. You will not be surprised to hear that I said nothing during the questions time!

Anyway, I should go do something productive (shocking isn't it!)... probably organ! But there is another character pending in office blog... so I think I shall post another episode of that, hopefully a little more amusing than the last.

xXx