If life were a bowl of cherries...

05/13/2008

A Dominant pedal in Biology!

Ok. Here is the other "half" of the story... this has taken me 2 hours. I did not do this set of notes from memory (the first bit on the Menstural Cycle was). It is 3 pages long in MSWord and I don't expect anyone to read it properly. I am just rather proud of it as it is the most work I've done in biology in 18 months!

 

It is also a good retort to any idiot male who complains he can't understand women -  of course he can't! It is written into our bloody physiology!!!!!!!!

 

I'm not kidding when I say anyone would think we weren't meant to reproduce. 

 

Hormones are in bold, couldn't be bothered to put scientific words into italics, instead *my* comments are initalics.

 

Oogenisis – the female side

Ok. So here is the complicated one… *breathes deeply*… and begins.

Once again the hypothalamus has overall control over this process – being the link between the nervous and chemical systems in the body, that sort of makes sense. Once again GnRH is released and travels the short distance to the anterior lobe of the pituitary gland. Again two hormones are released: LH (Lutenising Hormone (=ISCH)) and FSH (Follicle Stimulating Hormone).

Right now things begin to alter slightly. The female process of oogenisis (generation of the egg cell) is not continuous but cyclical and begins before birth. As the ovaries develop in the female embryo, meiosis one begins in the germinal epithelial layer and is halted in prophase one. The ovaries also produce follicle cells which surround the oogonia to form primary follicles.

Basically the soon-to-be-egg cells begin to divide and at frozen part way through the process with the DNA condensed into chromosomes and grouped into homologous (same-sized) pairs. The cells are then surrounded by a layer of other, smaller cells.

Meiosis one is halted at birth and the process cannot resume until puberty occurs and the menstrual cycle begins. (JOY!) This cycle varies between females, but for ease of communication the cycle is “averaged” out over 28 days.

OK, back to Biology. FSH is released from the anterior lobe of the pituitary gland and travels in the blood to the ovaries where it stimulates the continuation of meiosis one. The layers of surrounding cells builds up and a theca layer developes (from the tissue of the ovary) to create a primary oocyte within a primary follicle. The theca layer secretes oestrogen which has a number of functions including:

•    Promotes secondary sexual characteristics in females
•    Inhibits FSH production to prevent the development of a second oogonia.
•    Builds up and prepares the endometrial layer (blood layer) in the uterus

The first meiotic split is completed and one of the haploid cells degenerates into a polar body that has no known purpose. The follicle continues to mature into a Graafian Follicle and oestrogen levels continue to rise. At day 14 of the cycle the oestrogen levels peak and (once over a threshold level) stimulate (not inhibit) the release of FSH and LH.

The production of a Graafian Follicle occurs moving in towards the centre of the ovary; LH stimulates the eruption of the primary oocyte out from the ovary into the oviduct (Fallopian Tube). This can apparently cause a little bleeding as the oocyte is the largest cell in a human body and some women claim to be able to feel the release occurring.)

Here the story splits into two:

The remainder of the Graafian Follicle develops into a Corpus Luteum (or Yellow Body) that produces progesterone (and oestrogen). Progesterone helps to maintain the endometrial layer and also inhibits FSH and LH so no new oogonia are developed.

The primary oocyte travels along the oviduct to the uterus and can survive only a couple of days, without fertilisation, before it degenerates. And then the story splits again….

If fertilisation does not occur, then the primary oocyte dies and shortly afterwards the corpus luteum degenerates. Progesterone and Oestrogen levels fall again and FSH and LH are no longer inhibited. FSH levels rise and stimulate the development of another oogonia and primary follicle to mature to a Graafian Follicle. The endometrial layer decomposes and menstruation occurs.

On The Other Hand…

Long lines of mucus in the uterus provide lines for sperm to swim easily along and guide their travel to the oviducts. The contraction of the uterus (presumably through oxytocin release) also aids this movement. If a sperm meets the primary oocyte, the acrosome layer breaks through the wall of the primary oocyte and stimulates the second division – meiosis two – to create a secondary oocyte. The secondary polar body produced here is again redundant material. The wall of the ovum becomes impermeable to other sperm to prevent double fertilization. The genetic material from the single sperm cell is incorporated into the DNA of the secondary oocyte to form an ovum.

Interesting… sperm are 50um long whilst a secondary oocyte is 140um in diameter! (that is visible to some people!)…. Just visualise it!

This ovum travels down the oviduct to the uterus and (hopefully) imbeds in the endometrial layer. The cell releases hCG (human chorionic gonadotrophin) that prevents the degeneration of the corpus luteum for roughly 12 weeks until the placenta is fully developed. After 12 weeks the placenta takes over the role of producing oestrogen and progesterone that maintain the endometrial layer and prevent the development of another oocyte by inhibiting FSH and LH. Progesterone also relaxes the muscles in the uterus wall to prevent damage to the foetus and potential miscarriage.

Back to placenta: the embryo developing a Chorion layer that protrudes into the uterus wall and forms finger-like protrusions called Choronic villi that have microvilli on the external side of the epithelial cell (outside) layer. Inside these villi a network of blood vessels bring the foetal blood close to the mother’s blood supply in the endometrial layer, so that diffusion can occur – note the two blood supplies never mix.

The foetal heart pumps (faster than the mother) deoxygenated blood out along the umbilical arteries. Gas exchange and exchange of nutrients / hormones / antibodies / urea occurs and fresh blood is transported back to the developing foetus along umbilical veins. HPL (Human Placental Lactogen) is involved in the development of breasts during pregnancy and adjusts the mother’s glucose and fat respiration to the advantage of the foetus. Most bacteria cannot cross the placental barrier but viruses such as Rubella and HIV can.

The foetus develops surrounded by a protective amniotic sac containing amniotic fluid. After roughly 38 weeks the level of progesterone decreases rapidly whilst the level of oestrogen increases. This makes the uterus more susceptible to oxytocin which is a neurotransmitter / hormone produced by the posterior lobe of the pituitary gland. This causes the uterus to contract and the cervix begins to dilate (over a time period of up to 12 hours). A mucus plug that has blocked the cervix during pregnancy detaches and passes out through the vagina and the amniotic sac bursts. Hopefully the foetus has had the sense (and kindness) to rotate around so they can leave the uterus headfirst! (The opposite is a breach-birth and is even more painful!) A rare example of positive feedback: the high levels of oxytocin in the blood during labour, stimulates the release of more oxytocin. The rate of contractions increases steadily and when the cervix has dilated to 10cm diameter then head “engages” and the baby begins to emerge.

(I am slightly confused here: the baby’s skull is not yet fused together… so how does pushing it repeatedly very hard against the cervix and the pelvis not cause damage??)

Once the baby is in air they (We NEED a better gender-neutral pronoun!) begins to breathe and the umbilical cord is cut and tied off. Final contractions of the uterus cause the placental structures to detach from the endometrial layer and pass out of the vagina. Over the following weeks the (deciduous) endometrial layer decomposes and is also lost as progesterone and oestrogen levels fall again.

The final part of the female reproductive cycle is lactation. During pregnancy the presence of HPL (Human Placental Lactogen) allows oestrogen to stimulate the development of the duct systems in the breasts and progesterone to stimulate the development of milk glands. The high levels of progesterone and oestrogen also inhibit the production of prolactin.

After birth, as progesterone and oestrogen levels fall PRF (Prolactin Releasing Factor) is released from the hypothalamus and stimulates the anterior lobe of the pituitary gland to produce prolactin that is responsible for the production of milk. The milk contains lactose (glucose + galactose) along with fat, minerals, vitamins that are easy to digest. There is also a selection of the mother’s antibodies and viruses such as HIV (if she is positive). The suckling action of the baby stimulates nerves in the nipples that send messages to the hypothalamus to release PRF and to the posterior pituitary gland to produce oxytocin. Oxytocin causes the involuntary muscles around the milk glands to contract to force milk through the ducts and out through the nipple. PRF also causes the release of prolactin so the production of milk is maintained.

This process obviously only occurs when the baby is suckling.

 

xXx

21:02 Posted in Life , School , Science | Permalink | Comments (2) | Email this

05/12/2008

On a biological brethe

OK... so whoever designed the human reproductive system was HIGH! Seriously.... let me give you a brief lesson. Hormones are in bold, other scientific words that I need to learn to spell (and that you might not know) are in italics.

 

Spermatogenisis (the male side)

 

The hypothalamus (in the brain) releases GnRH (Gonadatrophic Releasing Hormone - Gonads being the sex organs). This travels the short distance south to the Anterior Pituitary Gland. The Anterior Lobe of the Pituitary Gland is stimulated to produce FSH (Follicle Stimulating Hormone) and ISCH (Intersticial Cell Stimulating Hormone - female equivilent is LH). These hormones then travel the long distances through many blood vessels to the testicles.

 

Now we need some anatomy. The testis is compised of seminiferous tubules (that make sperm) and then cells that make up the tissue between the tubules such as blood vessels and other intersticial cells. ISCH stimulates the intersticial cells to produce testosterone. Testosterone has several functions. The one you will all know is stiumlating the onset of secondary sexual characteristics in prepubescent males (poor things). Testosterone also stiumlate sertoli cells and inhibits the production of GnRH (more on that later).

 

Back to the seminiferous tubules. The walls of these tubules are comprised of highly specialised sertoli cells that govern the process of spermatogenisis. The outer cell layer of these tubules is a germinal epithelial layer - a source of unspecialised cells that can be transformed into sperm. These cells undergo meiosis, splitting twice to form 4 haploid cells - half the number of chromosomes. The first meiotic split halves the DNA content of the cell and create two haploid gametes (primary spermatocytes), the second split is just a staightforward cloning (as in mitosis) to produce the 4 haploid secondary spermatocytes.

 

The sertoli cell then governs the specification of these into spermatids and the sperm. This process involves the creation of a long flagellum (tail), production of many mitochondria in the middle piece to fuel the movement of the sperm, the digestion of the cell cytoplasm to reduce bulk and the production of an acrosome layer on the head of the spem which contains enzymes to break through the wall of the developed ovule (technically secondary oocyte).

 

The process of spermatogenis occurs from the external wall of the seminiferous tubule (the germinal epithelium) inwards towards the lumen (empty space of the tubule) in the centre. In effect average/normal cells go in on the outside and then fully fledged sperm are collected in seminiferous tubules as part of a continuous cycle.

 

This cycle is regulated by the inhibiting effects of testosterone and the inhibin produced as a by product of the action of sertoli cells. These two hormones stimulate the hypothalamus into *not* producing GnRH and therefore the Anterior Lobe of the Pituitary Gland is not stiumlated to produce ISCH and FSH. Consequently the rate of spermatogensis falls. Once the levels of inhibin and testosterone fall again then the is less (indirect) inhibition of ISCH and FSH and the rate of spermatogenisis rises. This is an example of the negative feedback of certain products (or by-products) of a reaction to maintain homeostasis.

 

Ok. So we have our sperm. The sperm produced and collected in the seminiferous tubules pass into small ducts called the vasa efferentia and then into the epididymis where they can be stored for up to 18 hours. Prior to ejaculation the sperm are moved the vas deferens (a muscular tube), the seminal vesicle releases mucus whilst the ejaculatory glands release an alkali solution to neutralise vaginal acids (Prostate Gland) and a solution of sugars to provide energy for the sperm on their travels (Coweper's Gland). This is mixture has now formed semen which will be released from the urethra by ejaculation.

 

Ejaculation is stimulated by increased supply of blood to the spongy tissue in the penis causing it to swell and harden and stiumlating the contaction of errectile tissue. Physical contact stimulates the glans penis which causes the muscles along the ejaculatory tract (the epididymis to the urethra) to contract moving the sperm/semen through the tract via peristalsis and finally the contraction of the urethra results in ejaculation.

 

Inside the femal the force of ejaculation propels *some* sperm into the uterus (/top of the vagina). In three days the sperm will have "swum" to the oviduct. Out of 500 million sperm only a few hundred reach the oocyte. Only one can ever fertilise.

 

It is interesting to note that there are also hormones in semen that stimulate muscular contraction of the uterus/oviducts to help the sperm reach the oocyte and improve the probability of fertilisation. There are only 5 million sperm in 5cm^3 of semen. The testies hang outside the body because the reactions involved occur at an optimum temperature of 35 degrees celcius.

 

 

WOW hasn't that taken the fun out of it!

 

And if you think that that might be a little complicated... sometime I might try to explain the female system which is approximately 4.7 times worse.

 

Anyone would think the intention of the entire process was failure... it certainally causes a significant stumbling block for most A Level students - And this really is the easy one.

 

I have decided this is a good way to revise. :P

 

xXx 

19:12 Posted in Complete Random Junk! , Life , School , Science | Permalink | Comments (4) | Email this

05/01/2008

Few words... big thoughts

1. I like the Anglican Communion service.

 

Wonderful as it is to o things differently, much as I truly love the original and art / meditation / "free" services... there is something reassuring about tradration. It is not something to be relied upon, or taken as absolute. But sometimes you just need the familiarity of words you have said since birth - a little like sometimes you need to read a book you've read 100 times before, or listen to a song you know by heart, or sit on your favourite bench and pass the time of day. Today was one of those days I needed to feel at home... unfortunately I go to a Methodist School... so they messed all the words up anyway. But it was good to have communion again, it's been a while.

 

2. I miss labwork

 

The thing is that despite finding classroom science intrinsically dull, I really very much enjoyed lab work. And I was good at it. I still am if today's basic transformation is anything to go by. Although I DETEST the BioRad "School's Protocols" - It takes them 2 sides of A4 to say what I can sum up in 28 words! But I miss the level of concentration and organisation and dexterity that is needed foreven the most basic experiments. I really *must* go back to it sometime.

 

3. It's strange what makes you forgive people.

 

Many of you know that my Music teacher and I have not been on the best of terms lately. I have been failing to make his life easy from him and he has been making me cry (or hit things).... Deadlines, panic but mostly pride contributed to both side's rather rigid perspective. Yesterday evening my teacher was taking his dog for a walk. And his dog (who is very old, smelly and completely deaf) decided he had better ideas. Said dog chose to, instead of lagging 4 or 5 metres behind as per normal, run rings around his owner. So I had the delight of seeing my teachers (suit and all) flailing wildly, spinning on the spot, grabing handfuls of air as he struggled (for a good minute) to catch this semi-decrepid canine. It made me laugh. 

 

It also made me remember that everyone has their days when nothing goes right. And that when multiple people have those days (or weeks) simultaneously then the results are not proportional, they are exponential.

 

It made me forgive him

 

4. Sun is glorious, but rain is still soothing.

 

I went to sleep last night with the sound of the rain pouring off the guttering dumming it's own rhythm in my ears. Normally all I hear is the hiss of the heating and the infrequent mumblings of the lives of those around me as they too prepare for the night. The rain is something else. I'm not sure how much of it was the steady rhythm, how much the idea of washing everything that was "yesterday" away and how much of it was the anticipation of tomorrows rich green and lush scents, but the sound calmed me.

 

Which is impressive as I was quite restless last night.

 

5. I like, liking going home.

 

It's been a long time sicne I've wanted to go home. A long time since that has been a destination of choice as opposed to duty (there are obvious exceptions to this, but I am speaking from a general point of view). I really quite love the fact that home is becoming something to look forward to. It is a surreal sensation. ... However difficult things get blood runs thickly in my family - maybe that is where a lot of the problems stem from... I don't know.

 

I'm just enjoying the change in my perspective, refreshing... and comforting.

 

xXx 

 

 

12:14 Posted in Faith , Fun , Life , School , Thoughts | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this

04/21/2008

2 Funny Stories and 7 not so unusual things:

1.    Only in the movies?

Please note that all circumstances have been changed in this story to save embarrassment… The punch-line is still the same.

A long day at the office – they all are really aren’t they? This particular day had been shorter than most as the final hour or so had involved a “brief” visit to the Technical Advisory Body (TAB in boss-speak). The actual issue – setting up the PR system for a presentation next Thursday – had taken all of 6 minutes and the rest of the time had been spent in genial conversation and mild banter.

“Yes, well… you know how it goes…. She seems to be managing fine, not too embarrassed – well at least she doesn’t blush much when I see her…” Luke Briar’s (known by his surname for some reason that had been long-since forgotten) voice drifted through the haze of Rhi’s coffee and landed softly in the depths of her consciousness.

Curiosity piqued her interjection was more than a little blunt (or to the point as I’m sure she would rather have it described), “Who? What? Why? When?”

Ok, maybe blunt would be the best description. The questions were rebuked harshly with an emphatic insistence that the person in question would not their “situation” to be broadcast across the entire company. This was followed rapidly by a selection of retorts, the most convincing of which seemed to insist that Rhi should be told as well as Sam because she was trustworthy and he wasn’t. At this Sam objected vehemently – notably not to the accusation of his indiscretion.

The time passed and various tactics were used in attempts to obtain the information. Briar’s drink was stolen (and warmed), biscuits were with-held, buttons were pressed that shouldn’t have been, bribes offered, blackmail suggested; rewards and threats heaped one on to the other, and still Briar did not budge. He had the moral high ground and apparently rather liked the view.

The hour passed and 5:30 came, and went again with surprising agility. And still Rhi had not discovered the gossip. It had been an amusing afternoon and in any case it was hardly essential that she know. A few last quips to Briar and she would go home.

“Well I know it was one of the secretaries... I’ll just go ask them.”

“No! Don’t! They’ll know it was me.”

“Yes, but they’ll also know you didn’t tell me… mind you, I doubt that will bother them. So you’d better tell me just to make sure. I know it’s something to do with that visiting Professor from Princeton talking about … oh God even I can’t remember, some sort of client psychology jargon.”

“Psychology of Clients and their response to advertising… It isn’t that great anyway. All that happened was that one of the secretaries refused to let the Professor in because they were female and she’d been told that the visitor was a Professor Terri McMalon. Hardly side-splitting.”

Rhi grinned, “Amusing… no not life-changing, but amusing none-the-less. I’ll see you next week then when I can’t get this stupid presentation to work and start frothing at the mouth?”

“Sure. But don’t make a point of it. I know that Alison is looking for promotion and having that gossip broadcast around would do her no favours at all.”

Rhi looked behind her, wide-eyed and gripping the door for support as her face broke into a grin.

“Shit” was all Briar could say, “Shit, Shit, Shit Shit, Shit, Shit,” and Rhi dissolved into fits of hysteria.

She was still giggling as she collected her bag and rummaged for her keys.

It had been a long day, yes, but shorter than many.



2.    Could have happened to anyone.

It really could have happened to anyone. It isn’t even as though I consciously did anything wrong… just a slight misjudgement on my part with some less fortunate consequences. It really could have happened to anyone. I suppose the more important thing is that it happened to me.

So I chose and rigged a boat, a 420 to be precise. I always love sailing the 420s, heavy and not the most manoeuvrable of dinghies, but fast (comparatively) and they have space to move around easily in. Then I was given a gift of crew, some poor year nine kid who had sailed once before – last week in light wind and in a pico with a friend.

Having been advised not to laugh on the lee shore of the spit (and head off on a near reach) but move my vessel around to the other side, I duly complied and stuck my new team-mate into the front to keep him out of the way. Everything was ready and I had even explained to him how to put the centreboard down as soon as we were out deep enough. All that needed doing was to launch the boat and jump in ready to grab the tiller and mainsheet and sail off on an easy run – less efficient but ultimately less complicated or scary for inexperienced sailors. Experience has taught me differently.

The second part – gaining control of the boat was easy enough, the sails could be left to do what they pleased, and the rudders/tillers on a 420 I find much easier to manage in a hurry than on the laser series. It was the first part of the plan that caused me a problem.

I think a little history is needed here. I sailed on and off through the summer. I sailed 420s solo. I sailed in light winds. Very few boats sail well in light winds. Very few boats sail particularly well on a run without a spinnaker.
The only mistake I actually made was to misjudge the speed the boat would travel in decent wind. I misjudged by about 30cm, if that. Hardly critical? Well… that 30cm landed me in the water behind my boat when I jumped.

The wind caught the sails and she went like a dream. With my lonely crewmember ashen faced staring blankly at where I should have landed.

Apparently the boat dragged me some 30m across the lagoon before I managed to swim around. I persuaded my crew to lean over my side and let me climb in at the shrouds. (No mean feat I assume you as he was convinced he’d capsize the boat with us both on the same side and kept moving away from me just as I got a hold.) I climbed in, tacked around, and headed out into the lagoon.

Next accident was to gybe just before a gust.

He didn’t want to helm that day.

7. I didn’t wear a Jacket to Assembly – even though I was performing.
6. I lived mostly off toast and butter… four or five pieces in fact to make up for break / lunch /
5. I stole chocolate from Paul – thank you
4. I spend a sizable portion of the day in the music school – oboe, recital notes, talking to Sutcliff and SJ
3. I spent a sizable portion of the day on msn – but I also worked whilst I did that.
2. I had 30 minutes of timetabled lessons – unusually I actually worked for 15 minutes of it; walking to the Kent room and logging on to the incomprehensibly slow school network occupied the other 15 minutes.
1. I ache all over – a side effect of sailing for 2 hours and dancing for 4… but triceps and abs are killing (and that is all over for me!! Before you quibble… Stuart! (or Kit/Stephen/Steve/Paul/Em…) ... ☹ Happy pain though so ☺

xXx

20:32 Posted in Complete Random Junk! , Fun , Life , Office Blog , School | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this

04/15/2008

Procrastination for the nation....

... Well mostly for me actually. You know how it gets when work is pressing but not essential.

 

In fairness I have been very good today. P1 I straightened my hair, put makeup on and then did 40 mins research for my program notes. P2 I had chemistry practical exam which seemed straight-forward enough at the time. Break I was social and discussed tea, nutella, the American elections and German Politics. Then I skived the next 90 mintues followed by a little more research and lunch. Gospel choir, chat to PMD, visit Paul and watch the first half of Euro-Trip then do 45 minutes Organ Practise (Frank - Piece Heroique). Assembly was followed by more socialness in the form of the school fete (most of which seemed to be either food or getting people wet with sponges or water pistols). The evening was another choir followed by revising unit one biology - DNA, transcription, translation and the formation of proteins. I chatted to JMJD for a while and then came home, washed up, made tea (:D lots of tea!), read one book on the history of the oboe and Mummy just gave me another to look through.... Chatted to friend and boyfriend... and now...

 

Well now I am sitting in bed, thinking about working but writing this instead - well aware that the pro-plus will keep me functional for at least another 120 minutes if I wish it to. hmmm.

 

She is knitting again
The tenth ball this week
Vibrant colour,
A tactile sport
Yes, I s'pose I see the appeal

She is knitting again
And who can say why
She never used to before
Told me she
"Couldn't"

Before what?

She is knitting again
A scarf made for me
And a jumper for you
The colour
The touch
The caress of thread
Against fingers
Or face
Or shoulders
Neck, arms or head?

Even knots can be beautiful

She is knitting again
The tenth ball this week
Vibrant colour
A tactile sport.
Yes I am glad

She is knitting again.

 

xXx

00:10 Posted in Complete Random Junk! , Life , Poetry , School | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this

01/23/2008

Back from Recluse

And so this latest batch of exams is over. i have probably worked harder for some of these (in particular C3 MATHS) than any in my life. And yet I still doubt there will be much to show for it save my exhaustion, some absolutely stunning bags under my eyes a few more than offended friends and one heck of a lot of piano playing.

 

So in RunDown (to save me saying more than necessary):

 

C3 Maths

Went ok, well even, I answered everything, thought I knew how to do most things. Most of the paper was either proove or solve ... and all my answers fitted, so it should be OK. Of course, that belief has let me down before. I hope that all the practise paid out. I did better than last time and will predict A or B

 

Unit 2 Chemistry

Again, the paper went ok. With the Edexcel Chemistry mark scheme it is more a question of semantic than words and the "correct" semantics vary greatly from year to year. An A in Chemistry is purely luck not skill... and a C is just careless. Was retaking as a matter of pride more than anything else, but still no idea if the answers will be correct according to A Level - pretty certain of the accuracy from a scientific point of view. Predict A or B

 

Unit 4 Chemistry

Loved this paper for one mark in a 3 mark question. "Show that Aluminium is amphoteric using ionic equations". Well firstly I read the question and noticed the need for ionic equations (you'd be surprised just how many times I failed to do that on practise papers!) and then I spent at leats 10 minutes of the exam trying to work out the equation for the OH- reaction and managed to get it in the last 20seconds from first principles :D. The rest of the paper was straightforward except for Question 2: name the reactive groups.... could identify not name. But really... that one mark makes up for everything (and yes, the first thing I did back in house was to check my answer!). Again with Chemistry we have the discrepancy between answers, knowledge, science and marks...and I was averaging Ds in practise papers before revision, so I will predict an A or B unless I have be especially stupid.

 

Unit 4 Maths

Now this would be the paper I shouldn't have taken. My deepest thanks to my Father and Bert for teaching me the course, Sue and Mr Wilson for their patients and Deveson, Anna and Lucy for putting up with my panicking. I was still not ready to take the paper. Everyone came out saying that was the hardest thing they've ever done (they said that after C3 maths as well!) and I am actually inclined to disagree... C3 was harder first time around. Questions 1-5 were fine except for potential silly errors. Quesiton 6 I forgot about the exitence of the quadratic formula (AGAIN!!!), Quesiton 7 I couldn't do, Question 8 asked for an answer to 1dp and I got 0.6 (which seems odd), Question 9a I think I got correct at the last minute (and I will get follow through marks) and 9b... who knows. Integration by parts is always touch and go as I get my signs mixed up when I rush! Anyway... I am babelling. If I get everything I answered fully right I got 81%. If I get everything I wrote down right I got closer to 85%. If I only get the things I know are right, right I got 63%. So I predict B or C

 

Unit 4 Biology

Home run isn't it? Something like that... Wins the prize on the most orinigal order to answer questions (worse than Chemistry 4 for dipping into each one). Also the only paper to have time to spare (C3 did, but I used it to check :P). I didn't bother checking written answers this year. Theory being that if my logic is correct, I will have written it well, and if it is incorrect I am not going to have a sudden flash of inspiration (more likely to change a correct thing than correct an inaccuracy). It is also so tiresome reading through the long answers when you have just spent 10 or 15 minutes writing them. One long question I didn't have a clue and blagged, a couple of one markers that I guessed the right word. Isn't it strange how the exam paper always seems completely different to the practise ones. I was blagging A's in those without much revision at all... I hope the trend continues. I am going to take a risk and predict an A. Actually I really don't know what this mark scheme will be like (Edexcel Biology is usually very good for science vs marks) and there are a couple I am not sure if I picked the right lines so despite saying A I actually thing A or B

 

Summer Plans? If necessary (i.e. my average isn't an A) retake C4 maths when I should have taken it. If a low B or C in any of the Chemistry or Biology then retake, otherwise live and know Units 5 and 6 (synoptic) BACKWARDS, SIDEWAYS and in the FOURTH DIMENSION! (Apparently both are far more common sense and application as opposed to rote learning which suits me.)

 

Lent term plans? Read! Read! Read! Study. Set up the PCR stuff that school bought from BioRad. Work out how to use the machine for any experiment they want to do (not just the prepared kits). Music. Music Music. Prepare for next year. Sort of vaguelly go over the AS level biology and chemistry. Actually, I might just alternate weeks of them - ie. 1 week unit 1 biology followed by a week unit 1 chemistry.... that would work.

 

On more important matters

 

MAWKIN ARE PLAYING A CEILIDH IN CAMBRIDGE AND I AM GOING..... EAT YOUR HEART OUT FOLKIES!!

(Love you all dearly and can't wait to see everyone again next summer... probably before if things work out well. Can't do IVFDF I don't think... but there's Cheltenham and Chippenham, and I swore I'd get to a gig that wasn't in Cambridge so see you 'll there! :P)

 

xXx 

 

 

11:28 Posted in Complete Random Junk! , FOLK , Fun , Life , School | Permalink | Comments (3) | Email this

05/09/2007

Of Music and Madness

I have been thinking....

I have decided I should probably cease this activity.

I have decided this isn't going to happen so whats's the point worrying.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

I am happy. This is significant progress on my part and consequentally I would like all the people around me to be happy for me (I am selfish like that). This whim of mine is being rather confounded by the fact that serveral of my friends have decided that I can not *possibly* be happy after the events of the past few weeks and there for I must be bi-polar instead (a.k.a. Manic Depression). Whilst I would like to thank them for their concern... This is not reassuring.

 

Rewards going out for people wh can suggest suitable methods of dealing with my music teacher... The fact that all my energies are currently being directed into being angry at him has no bearing whatsoever on my generally calmer and more relaxed state of mind. *innocence* Actually, I have to say I do not hate him. I merely find him and his more than necessarily childish demenour intensly irritating. This has the rather unusual result that despite holding decent and entertaining conversation with him, I still leave each lesson wanting either to kill something or to curl up and cry...

I suppose that is the effect of someone poking fun at the aspects of your self, skill or life that you are most insecure about... It *is* (unfortunately) funny... but just too much for the current time. *sign* c'est la vie.

 

On a brighter note... I have an excellent set for my Grade 8 singing which is approaching all too quickly. I have my first lesson with Anne Page tonight. :D And I have done some biology revision (AT LAST).

 

Random comments....

"You look nice in that... My God your boobs look good" ("only you ____ only you")
"You look happy... what's wrong... are you in love?" ("no out of it")

Right, now too long for a post...

I'd like to write a gallant rhyme
A set of lines, in standard time
But as it's getting close to five
I'll spare you all till another time.

xXx

15:30 Posted in Complete Random Junk! , Fun , Funny , Life , School | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this

03/23/2007

"And by his stripes, we are healed"

V

No more school.... 3 weeks holiday now consisting of Revision

 

SAILING  

And revision + visit to twigs hopefully.  :D But mostly revision or more accurately, learning of the stuff that I misunderstood/didn't pay attention to in the last week weeks of term. (mostly biology and biological systems which are just confusing eg. oogenisis!).

 

22:33 Posted in Complete Random Junk! , Faith , Life , School | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this

01/30/2007

"I promise you that I will learn from my mistakes"

Sitting here waiting for Prep time to end... 'tis incredibly boring as I never do prep on a Tue evening (because I am lazy, well actually because I only have 15 mins to do it in, so I might as well wait until the evening and take a breather after...

1300 - 1400 Lunch
1410 - 1440 Cycling
1440 - 1540 Piano
1540 - 1615 Cycling
1615 - 1800 Music/Prep/Relax/Town
1800 - 1825 Dinner
1825 - 1915 Chapel Choir
1915 - 2000 Chamber Choir
2000 - 2015 Pack up/Organ
2015 - 2045 Organ
2045 --> BREATH!

Great thing is that most of my days are like that... But I will not bore you with that now. *MUST* do biology c/w at some point, but as I have a lesson tomorrow I think I will start it then. I also need to change (Still in suit! which isnt fun - little sick of heels and tights now!) but will wait until full internet access returns at 9 and I can send a text.

 

The piano keys, are black and white
But they sound like a million colours in your mind

 

I like this line (Katie Melua if you are interested). I'm beginning to realise just how colour/image based my mind is. Yes I can learn a list of numbers easily or a section of prose or a list of formulae, but given the choice my notes are set out in at least different colouts, neatly and with aesthetically appealling spaces between different sections, and where a picture will save words I will use it. I also use memory/pictures to date and place events and such like because the only things I refuse to rember are dates. anyway that is a different story and it is the end of prep

 

So bibi

 

xXx

21:14 Posted in Complete Random Junk! , Life , School | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this

12/04/2006

And so it begins

I am now a week boarder at the leys... first night tonight... 'tis very strange... Nice though and much less stressful which I suppose was the idea. I am still refusing to form an opinion... all those with far too much curiosity, ask me in a week and I will let you know.

SO Much I have forgotten though :S... silly things like that white board I want, my calculator (makes continuous prob distibutions a little tricky), nailvarnish, nailvarnish remover... hole punch... I'm sure I will discover more as the weeks go on.

Other than that, life is a little calmer than it has been over the past few weeks - FINALLY such a busy week coming up and I'm looking forward to it soooo much!!

 

Breath of wind
Satin against my skin
Fluttered footsteps
Anxious down the hall

One strap falling
Carelessly replaced
Only to drop again
Forgetten in the rush

Where she is going
Or where she came from
Is scarcely considered
And never remembered

He waits
Expectant
He knows
What will come
And listens
For footsteps
And smiles 

As the door swings foward
And sun kisses lonely room

xXx

23:50 Posted in Complete Random Junk! , Life , School | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this

11/18/2006

News of the World of Ruth - *highly censored*

Havn't had to speak to anyone today as yet - except Emma who just rang to ask for Dad... went to be at 9 last night, read till 9:30 and then slept... hear that Sam - be proud of me! Then slept through till 2 this after noon... almost doubled the amount of sleep I've had this week :S Anyways, they all went out before I woke up so I've managed to have a nice relaxing afternoon eating Breakfast, doing Maths, had a bath and soon to do biology and organ.

My hands are *really* dry :S I dont like this!

 

Ran yesterday, it's what being in a hurry and not having enough hours in the day does to you. Clowns to Leys in 10 minutes, then home to church and back for choir - Heather alreayd had her bike and it would have taken longer for me to get mine out so all's fair. Anyways, I'm quite pleased I could do that, normally asthma and stuff kicks in and I can't control my breathing because of the movement :S -ie... I can run at the gym with the shock absorber track thing! But I managed yesterday... so I'm happy... not that I've tried running anything longer than 300 (and also running most of football game) since they made me do crosscountry in year 9! Cycling is still better... and swimming as always better still :D..

 

And you thought I'd forgotten sailing! :P - off the scale!

 

anyways, I need to go work... so have a nice day... I've no idea how long this peace and quiet is going to last, hopefully another hour yet which will allow me to get my work finished and myself off to do organ practise/cleaning/cycling - still need to go to Ely :D

 

xXx 

 

Another apology due.. I might give up and just make them a weekly/monthly occurrance...  since nothing is actially going to change at the moment... Damn the stupidity of the human race, too blinded by their own pride and sense of duty.

 

"We feared the ... of the human race, all of whome are born blind and few of whome ever learnt to see"

I can't remember the quote, will edit when I find out...will also cite it when I find the book... I like the quote, I acknowledged the truth the second part of it, but I did not fear until now. It is weird how much our actions impact on those around us without realising it, strange how oblivious we can be to what is going on, in the same way that a beetle has no idea how far he has to walk to reach the top of a redwood tree. It is not the ignorance which scares me, that can be dealt with, it's the refusal to accept that ignorance. We cover our inadequacies in false bravado, rash actions and a highly developed sense of right and wrong that is utterly corrupted by our own arrogance and our histpry of pain and hurt.

It may be a defence and it may sometimes be all we have left... but I'm sorry... if you are trying to find the glass of water you left by your beside with the light off and your head under the covers... what do you *expect* to happen?

 

Ok, i really must work.

 

xXx 

16:43 Posted in Complete Random Junk! , Life , School , Thoughts | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this

10/31/2006

Back to school again...

And we are back to 12 hour days and six day weeks... an improvement on the 18 hour days I have been living for the past week :P and much needed chance to (in no particular order) A: eat properly, B: do some exercise, C: do some music practise, D: do some work, E: see friends, F: go out with friends who had decided they were going to go home of all places for half term and have been out of the country, G: sleep.

 

:P

 

I have done all my work... took me an hour! only had one piece... I have not however, done any organising or enough music practise and am at utterly #### for my exams in 4 weeks.

 

Seriously will be good to get back, holidays aren't the best time generally but this one has actually been ok. Even so... I don't know. I'm going to sound far! too much like Gina and say they are just too stressful. :P 

 

Meh... just need to cart ALL my stuff back in.

 

xXx 

07:02 Posted in Life , School , Thoughts | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this

10/14/2006

Chapel Centenary et. al.

I've just realised how long it's been since I last updated....

So in brief (I have tennis in a very short time):

•  I am coming to the end of my run of concerts: leading 2 services (not concert, but same quantity of work), one soiree (which went well but i played too fast so *I* know I got a load wrong even if everyone else said it was amazing), one orchestra concert - Mozart Basoon concerto whichw as awesome! :D and now various organ things for the Chapel Centenary at school - including a half hour slot playing in ummm nearly an hour! :S :S

 

• It's the Chapel Centerary at school so muchos celibrations... and the dedication of a processional cross which is rather odd considering it is a Methodist Church. But we are singing Parry "I was glad" and an AMAZINGAWESOMEFANTASTIC version of "Praise My Soul" complete with full Brass fanfare (pity they can't as yet play in tune).... anyway, tis fun. Also doing "Locus Iste" which is always nice.

 

• I am *STILL* bored out of my mind in all subjects. :'( but am now being made to do other stuff (game theroy in maths and Feynman lectures to fill out science - was decided that A level Chemistry would be a waste of time) instead of doodling and writing poetry.

 

• My midterm grades were straight As and mostly 1's for effort (DONT ASK HOW - I should have got 4's as I have done nothing this term) one 2 (pure maths, probably more deserved than the other 1's) and a 3 - Dr Addamson has been on Jury duty and not taught us this term....

 

Hoping to get some science work to do in lessons to..... tis very annoying only haveing 8 hours I can spend in a vaguelly interesting and productive manner - MUSIC PRACTISE! :P

Anyway. Nearly half term - break up on the Thursday next week. 6th from festival (culture!) this week which is good because = less prep...but i shall update on those later. anyway. tennis now

 xXx

12:58 Posted in Complete Random Junk! , Life , Music , News , School | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this

10/03/2006

My Maffs lesson

In my stats lesson today we looked at probability distributions.... 

 

The constructive things I got out of this hour lesson were:

 

• We are drifting through seconds as hazy as the dust that gathers on the horizon whilst the wind sweeps the prairie clean and the sun batters all life to the ground - each moment as arduous and uncertain as the last as we struggle blindly to see our way. One infant step at a time.

• To learn is a skill
  Which all must attain
  To listen, to learn
  To seek out, to gain.
  
  
  Some dedication
  Is always required
  Success? application?
  Pay attention when tired
  
  BUT
  
  Do you really expect me to listen and learn
  To someone repeat what they told me last term!!!
  

• probability distribution of tossing a coin x times = xC1/2xyx, xC2/2xyx, xCn/2xyx.... etc Which was set us as "toss a coin 9 times" and I (having never seen that idea before) managed to work out the rule in under 30 seconds just by looking at the examples for "toss 4 times" and "toss 3 times". :D I was proud of that. It was the only work I did in that lesson! (apart from making notes from his speech - which I wasn't meant to, but seeing as I've paraphrased every set of notes so far [with good reason] and it was straightforward... and all stuff I'd done in Y5)

 

That was it... oh and complain to Lucy - thank you for putting up with me! :D Oh and in the maffs lesson before we had a test, which was ok except the last question where I failed to realise/remember/see that 9 = 9x1 = 3x3 to factorise a quadratic, and miss-lifted solutions from a factorised quadratic because I was rushing because I spent too much time on above mentioned quesiton.

 

Worked ALL day today :( Still got bio to do... well more on membrane proj... which is really fun :D

 

xXx 

22:15 Posted in School | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this

08/23/2006

Misc

I am a Daisy What Flower Are You?

 

 

"You are just a sweet person. When a friend needs a shoulder to cry on, you are happy to offer yours with a box of tissues as well. Once in awhile, you wish you could be a little more dramatic but then sensibility sets back in and you know that you are perfect the way you are."

 

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

heh these things are always highly enlightening. Learn things I never knew about myself :P

 

oh well... ummm, no big updates on Soul Survivor yet (sorry to those were perstering me!) I've made myself ill and am decidedly not in the mood to think and create meaningful comments... so tough

 

Away to Towesey with friends (Chadwicks) which will be awesome.... 5 days of music and dance and really nice clothes available!!  :D hehe! Nah will be good, little sleep and ca,ping again but I've never really objected to either of those 2 things. Hope I get better quickly though otherwise I will not be amazing compnay, and I don't want to make all of my partners sick or there will be no one else to dance with. Plus I'm sure its not that appealling dancing with a girl who keeps tripping up over her toes because she is feeling too groggy to concentrate - particularly in Polka.

 

Argh.... on that note, why when you say you cna dance do people *assume* you can lead! I am female I never lead waltz or Polka (always seem to find a partner :S which drives Em nuts!) so please don't expect me to be able to dance the male part and get it right - incidentally, the fact that I can dance Celidh and Scottish both ways is UTTERLY irrelevant as they dont involve chaging hand positions, or having to lead.

 

Anyway, rant over (and much better for it thank you), this weekend should be amazing, and ther are some good bands playing :D not that I can remember who, blue murder I think are there, and Eliza Carthy.... and some Australian band or some sort :S oh well I'll look at the program sometime.

 

Results tomorrow.... could be interesting.... (anyone who is feeling particularly vunerable over exam results stop reading now, I am *not* going to change what I write for your sake).... I'll settle with As in everything, just would like to get A* and it would be depressing to miss predicted grades just because in everything else I've always beaten predicted grades. I did get a form from connections through, they asked for all my grades once I know them, but havn't left enough space which was amusing.

 

 

 

Why do you never get news you don't want in little chunks. It always comes all at once on the same day just one thing on top of another. Then you just have to ignore it all and find som way to somehow let one thing out at a time so you can actually deal with it instead of being swamped. Or you bury stuff, let it grow, and *then* become swamped and overwhelmed. Neither way is particularly good (the first option being imposible and the second making you look pathetic  and both hurting you).

I'm sounding terribly optamistic here aren't I? Oh well, I'm sure you'll all live.

 

Isn't it strange how, in perception 1 mile becomes 10 and 100 miles becomes a 1000 untl the shortest distance becomes an unbeatable barrier. The more you want something the greater the struggle to attain it. Absense does not make the heart grow fonder, absense makes the heart grow stronger as we take each day and make another effort to do without the people we wish we could be with, the friends who carried us through the worst. They say time heals all wounds, and maybe eternity would see these scars would fade, but until then I stand, seeing the road extend before me unable to move and unable to stay.

 

xXx

15:29 Posted in Complete Random Junk! , FOLK , Life , Music , School , Thoughts | Permalink | Comments (1) | Email this

07/12/2006

memories

1. A friend

 

You noticed me. When I was so young and invisable to both my peers and my associat, you sat next to me. You spoke to me despite my youth, even apoogiesed for not remembering my name. I remember how you laughed as I accepted your "mistake" and smiled as we reminisced, discussing fleeting encounters of the past - as tangible to my mind as insence cradled by a summer breeze. We did not talk for long, my awe and niavity were too great to promote deep discussion or witty tete-a-tete. You had spoken to me, that was enough, I did not mind that you said no more, knowing in my child's heart that you had far greater things to concern yourself with than a small girl sitting next to you on a bus.

I am less young now, less naive and innocent. I know why you did not say anything else, I know you were fearful of making a mistake or causing offence - offence to a girl at least 3years your junior (three years seem so much larger when you have fewer to claim your own). 

It is strange to see how much has changed now, how easily the conversation flows giving delight and amusement to both parties in the knowledge of a friendship well chosen. I wonder if you remember that stuffy afternoon as I journeyed home and you chose to sit by me and say "hello".

 

 2. Mummy where do babies come from?

 

Mummy's having a baby

It such a good idea

I always thinks its better when

there are more people near

 

Its such a grand adventure

Such a daring scheme 

To choose to have another one

When all Em does is scream

 

Its such a fascinating thing 

I think its rather funny

But there is one thing that bothers me

How its growing in her tummy?

 

'Cause if its just a random thing

That happens without choice

A wonderful anomoly

(I learnt that from Miss Boyce) 

 

But surely it cant be useful

If you work (or need a break)

And suddenly you find one day

You've yet another life to make

 

And if that were the way it worked

I would pity all the ladies

toubled by the nasty thought

of unexpected babies 

 

So I think there is another way

That means a girl can say

That she wants to life her life

Or have a baby when she may

 

The baby's growing in her belly

So there's only one thing she could do

She must have eaten somthing special

To choose the date the kid is due.

 

And so it all makes sense again

My troubles are all answered

Its simple really now I know

(just wish the thinking could be faster)

 

And all I must be sure to do

I watch the food I eat each day 

Then I live in peace of mind

With no unexepcted babies on the way 

 

 Apologies for the hideous rhyming, I feel it suited the tone of the poem :P And it was fun to write - plus I was only four at the time. the other memory comes from one of my early years at secondary school. Somehow I dont think i could have written the second one in prose - it would just have been boring

 

anyway might do a news update later

 

xXx 

 

 

 

 

20:55 Posted in Life , Poetry , School , Thoughts | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this

06/22/2006

No more...

no more sense of panic as i realise something I forgot

no more fingers twisted anxious on shaking desks

no more hour-long minutes knowing you can do no more

no more frantic questioning, calculating losses

no more...

 .... for at least 4 months.

 

heh all over now... no worry, no panic, nothing I can do, just concentrate on the multitude of things to come... you are all free to intitutionalise me if I ever find a reason to stop *doing*..... just got now:

• read and comment on paper from last year
• work out what im doing for the next for weeks at the LMB (DANCE YEY DANCE YEY YEY DANCE YEY!!!!)
• AT LEAST 2 hours piano a day for the next 4 weeks - Grade 8 exam!!!!!
• ditto organ after that and before that at least average of 45 mins a day!
• singing, in the shower, and learn words/breath marks/diaphragm use point etc.
• dress... due saturday :D
• various forms/payments/Leys stuff to complete
• buy: makeup, phone, teachers pressies*
• do the numerous pieces of art i have noted down over the last few weeks
• ditto poetry
• ditto writing/prose
• ditto thoughts/philosophy/theology etc!
• catch up on all the forums i have abanndonned over the last 2 weeks
  

probably a lot more :P

 

Concert today :D first time i actually managed to sing and maintain tone and performance and diction and tuning all at once in front of school/teachers etc.... can do church, can do exams, not music teacher/school people! But I managed it - last chance ever at SVC!!! - AND I DID IT! not saying i didnt make mistakes, my posture was hideous almost all the way through, i kept swaying and leaning on one hip, occasionally swallowed high notes and got the wrong vowel sounds so sounded welsh! lol.... but got nice applause :D and Mrs Macleod was please :D..... NB!! PLEASE VOTE FOR HER

 

And now for something completely different: umm not much else to say really, will update on Dress, Ball, Labwork, Baptisms, Creativity, as and when i can be bothered.... considered doing book/film/art review :P would be fun.... take a look at deviantART! tis so much fun :P

 

oh well... im now blabbing

 

A cacophony of thoughts pouring out onto a glaring screen, angry with themeselves, the world and everything in it, no more free than in the confines of the prison cell they sought to escape. I sit and wait for the war to begin.

 

:P i get bored easily :P

 

• btw. youth leader replied to email... post up response and my comments on them at some point when I have a spare few hours.... dont hold your hopes up!  Re this btw - Spiritual Gifts 

 

xxx

 

* Mrs Macleod... CD - jenny whoever - must e-mail her to get it

   Miss Chandle.... Deerskin or other Robin Mackingley, she likes Labyrinth so should like too... 

   Mrs Guenigault... the Number Devil - anne if you havnt read YOU MUST, when i get it back from jonafee (!!)

   Mr Thompson...  jokey tie? chocolate, silly maths stationaty... not talked to him for 2 years now :S bit out of touch

                            cant get him number Devil as well though!

  Others: Cards and I might make some chocolates :S... not sure....

 

 

PPS! Mr Thompson was advertising his own private maths tutoring sessions at the end of our Stats exam today was so funnyl....!! (he's retiring soon but still wants lots of people to pay him to teach them all the stuff they didnt listen to in class!) ... mind you i was alrewady amused having watching Mrs G face for 5 minutes as she looked through the maths paper! "ooh ahh,, hmm,uhhh? what!? oh yeah! do you see? oh thats good... ah well... eeek is that the time, I have a year 8 bottom set to teach YEY! *rolls eyes* - was a bit like that.... only in facial pantomime... was great!

 

really going now

xXx

 

 

22:20 Posted in Complete Random Junk! , Life , School | Permalink | Comments (2) | Email this

06/12/2006

Counting Days ...

actualy Im not! which is probably good...

 

I have now finished: Math, Geog, English Lit, Language, Music 

By the End of the week i will have Finished: Math, Geog, English Lit, Language, Music, French, Science, DT

I will have left: Greek, Drama, Statistics. 

 

Exams went ok today.... nearly passed out in maths exam :S - too hot, no air, claustrophic sitting in the archery nets! but was ok and managed the paper ok - too much number crunching so boring and tiresome and bleugh. But hey, the other paper was so much fun I suppose it works out. Geography: the only danger was being too bored to finish the question. I spent my time dotting between the questions and answering each one when I got the energy and inclination to do so. It worked quite well but that was because I knew I was playing with about 30 minutes excess time if  worked solidly. Heh!! I had the breeze from the window keeping me refreshed.

 

Do you know how much your smile meant?

As I left lips pressed shut and thoughts flung wide

Silent as the star that watches the war - helpless.

Do you know how much it took to look

To break free and reclaim ideas long lost

And smile

Communicate something of where I was

What lands I had travelled to, so far from home,

When I hoped to be back home, trapped safe,

Torn between two opposite truths:

A safe fear, a lonely friendship, a destructive progress

And Answer

Too much for me, falliure draped his cloak to warm me

Shake of the head, tilt of the hand, tensing muscles rarely used

Looking away and passing on, leaving the interlocking truths

Torn, scattered, seperated and hidden,  buried treasure

Cursed blessings followed me out, safety in abandoment

A legend 

  

Isn't it strange how the world looks so much truer through sunglasses; how the tainted light filters the colours, defining them, giving them life, bringing the image we see into exact perspective. Everything looks so much more real through sun glasses, so much more vivid and tangible. So much more desirable than the bleak brightness and hazy white light bluring all together into an indefinable mix. Maybe that's all we need to do to seperate real from fantasy, sane from insane, hope from fact, theory from proof. Maybe all we need to do is view the world through a tinted lens and let the colour speak for itself.

 

Someday when i have time and a am bored I shall print out previous text and edit it... there are a number of words I am not happy with even at this level of vague perusal! (sp?) and the grammer and syntax is 4 steps past illeagal - not that I intend to improve that. But I have no time... so if people could kindly point out words/phrases/poor grammer/incomplete sentances to me and I can highlight, and at least thing about from time to time.

 

Thank you 

 

xXx 

21:55 Posted in Complete Random Junk! , Life , Literature , Poetry , School , Thoughts | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this

05/22/2006

Music exams soon - School update

So here I am... 40 minutes before myu music exam... in the library... it as actually quite nice now :P very blue (jenny say's it's green) ... and comfy chairs!! heehee.... done some revision... had a singing lesson! :D don't need to buy Panis Angelicus now because lucie is doing it so I am doing Veini Veini :D

Got English tomorrow and meeting up with Phil in the afternoon which should be fun. Literature.... Mice and Men, Inspector Calls and pre 1900 War Poetry ---- Very cheery!

Still need to do more dress... will revise English before I go home and then Greek and DT tonight..... ugh... DT is so irritating. I will go through the teaching spec. then I will just leave it if it is too difficult or look it up if it is small................... I know enough to get through the exam. (*crosses fingers*) Don't really care that much.... not got the energy or the time to worry over an exam where I will get an good/ok grade anyway, I wasn't taught half the material and I will not need again. (If I can't do something I *need* to then I shall look it up!

ahhh well... I feel food and last minute cramming is in order:

 

looping, sampling, cutting/splicing, speed up/slowdown, distorting, reverb, ring modulator, panning (Recorded sound - Music Concret)

Drum machine, synthesiser, sythersised strings, MIDI (dont ask!), panning, flanger, vocorder, reverb, collage, sequencer (puts layers together)

DJ, scratching, Dubbing, rap

Guess what I find the difficult parts!

xXx

11:35 Posted in Complete Random Junk! , Music , School | Permalink | Comments (2) | Email this

05/15/2006

Poem and news

23:15 Posted in Complete Random Junk! , Poetry , School | Permalink | Comments (1) | Email this

05/12/2006

Beginning of the *lasts*

lol... and its the beginning of the last ever(s).... well actually windband and biology yesterday were the beginning but hey!! LAST FRIDAY!!! Strange, can't wait to go somewhere new and start so much again and just the idea of somewhere new.... but I am going to miss so much, the people who make me laugh, the teachers who ACTUALLY understand. I'm not saying new teachers wont understand, but it took this lot 5 years! which is a slight problem for a 2 year AS/A2 course....

 

Coming to an end is always interesting, the prospect of new beginnings is amazing, but there is so much (good and bad) to look back on and 5 years is the longest time I will ever spend learning - and quite possible (though I hope not) the longest I'll ever spend in one job!!

 

Still got so much work to do, but its beginning to look a little more managable now :D:D:D I think :S ah well... and its sunny and pretty and there are lots of birds. I like birds... and flowers... and I dont have to always wear shoes! lol... I dont like shoes.

 

My  friends went to see Dresden Dolls the other day. I AM SOOOO JEALOUS!!! lol ... ... ... someday!

 

anyway... sure there is something I *should* be doing so bibi

 

xXx 

16:39 Posted in School | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this

03/29/2006

Yeyey -

 

Five single letters
So much potential
So great the power
One word holds
The power to change
The power to console
The power to make right
To clense the wrong
To heal the hurt
Five single letters 

 

It's also amazing how much difference just the tinyest bit of hope has on a person. It enables them to go from nothing to everything in the space of no time at all (in some circumstances). It means they have and incentive to bother attempting the rest of the problem and gives them the determination to press on. And even the smallest thing can give hope. The completion of the smallest task - even if it's not the main difficulty - just boosts everything. Kinda amazing!

 

Music is almost (AS GOOD AS!) done!! I got a page to write in neat and the brief to write - recording on Friday after school as well as a performance - need to find a piece for that :P. And my English is handed in, I finished it this lesson :) Miss chandler turned a blind eye to me copying it up *in* the lessons :) she's so cool. And I love my music compostion! It's so good. I would like to sort out the run.... but it's good as it is... and it would take me hours to sort it into triplets which is what i want to do.

 

I have underwear :D Always useful. :P

 

going to sort out and find ways to cross more off    my list  

xXx 

 

19:22 Posted in Complete Random Junk! , Life , School , Thoughts | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this

02/24/2006

New and interesting *caugh*

Sometimes it takes so much to persuade you to do something you know you should have done. And irrational fear is the most irritating emotion know to humankind - it hinders so much!

but on the otherhand I have the best boyfriend :P :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

I got 103/105 in my DT :D I'm now being ignored for being too good which is amusing. On the other hand our teacher is now spending *all* his time going... "I'm right" "I know better than those others in my department" "It's largely because of me you have such good grades" .... not exagerating those are his words and that went on for 1 hour!! Something tells me he is a little sore.... or bitter.... he's had forced resignation but that happened a while ago so either he signed the papers... or had a bad OFSTED. Wouldn't be surprised at the latter... even I would not behave any better in his lesson if we had had one with and inspector, if he can't put in the effort to respecting - or at least not abusing our respect - then I can definitely not be bothered to act any better to make him look good. Sorry. There are limits to my patients.

On a better note our school did get an excellent OFSTED report so all the teachers are happy (cept Mr Bull :P )

Now a weekend of dance! :D:D:D looking forward to it so much. Not danced for ages :D:D:D:D Scottish mostly I think... and a "normal" Celidh. But I have to reliquish my room to Malcolm... not that I mind that much, I'd just rather Emma came into mine that v.v. but i was out when it was decided.

going now... though to do what I'm not sure :S

xXx

20:45 Posted in Complete Random Junk! , Life , School | Permalink | Comments (1) | Email this

01/24/2006

YEYEYEYEY

07:31 Posted in School | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this

01/22/2006

Meh...

Time I went to bed: 10.30

Time I went to sleep: before 11

First time I work up: 3.15

Second time I woke up: 4.30

Third time i woke up: 5.45

Time I got out of bed: 6

ARGH!!!!!!!!

I now dont know which I prefer.... going to bed at say 12/1 and waking up between 7 and 8... or going to bed early and waking up repeatedly.... but feeling refreshed when I get up! Both are an improvement.... ie. I am sleeping and it seems to be having an effect :P. Mind you.... I like mornings and I dont mind being the only one awake in the middle of the night... it just gets annoying when I actually have nothing to do - music / DT are a little impossible.

I've started my music composition! yeyeyey!! and after 7 (give or take) hours sleep I still like it! - and that when its played sans emotion (noteworthy) and with a really bad soundcard.... too early to wake siblings/parents up with piano - have a horrid day! But I will have a problem fitting it into the catorgories... I have a feeling it will end up being a piano sonata! Which I could force into rondo or ternary form.... ie. with extentions. Its really weird though.... very slow 6/8, cross between romantic slushyness and modern dischordance. The next sections going to be so fun though... tune in the base and then VERY fast chords in the right hand... moving up and down in semi/demisemi quavers! but with repeated notes on the thumb so it will actually be three parts. Not that I can play it lmao!

DT UPDATE: I have started gluing.... and polishing and generally finishing off... and it is actually working!!! :D:D

Been reading Ruth.... well started reading Ruth... break from Jeremiah :P.... but its kinda interesting re-reading it after so long. I'm organising a Kestrels + extra msn bible study soon (coz I think we need one and so do several other people but the usualy organisers - Jonafee - are working (masters exams) so are excused) and I might use Ruth for it.... you can get some good studies - particularly as most of the people involved will be female. Plus I actually know the historical/social context well enough to pass on this. Anyway, that was a little off the point... re-reading it has brought some interesting thoughts which I will post later - they deserve their own space - mostly to do with Naomi actually so far.

hehe..... dad forgot to turn his alarm clock off :P lololol!!

I can vaguelly play the organ stuff now:

1. Eucharist Stuff.... KNOW - can play better than before heeheee!
   
2. My song is love unknown.... KNOW - not too fast, watch left hand second line
   
3. Forth in the Peace of Christ.... KNOW - need to slow down, gain confidense then speed up
4. Volentry - Bach Allemande in D major..... KNOW - just need to transfer to organ!
   
5. Psalm 24.... NEARLY THERE - need to sort pedalling so clean! and then practise!!! LOTS!!!!!!!
6. Number 4..... CAN GET THROUGH - need to check a couple of cadenses and speed up as well as sort words
7. Number 310.... CAN GET THROUGH - ditto!

I was think of doing a blues improvisation for people to walk in to.... but then I thought one of the old ladies might have a heart attack... (!) =P

 

meh... I'm bored now.... I shall go do some more of the ironing and watch Monty Python!!!!

xXx 

07:00 Posted in Complete Random Junk! , Music , School , Thoughts | Permalink | Comments (1) | Email this

01/18/2006

SALVATION HAS COME!!!!!

17:09 Posted in Complete Random Junk! , Life , School , Thoughts | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this

01/15/2006

...

heya all... quite a few people are reading this blog... unless you are some sad person looking 227 times in 2 weeks!! which is really very sad!!! Please could you identify yourselves if you actually know me... or not if you like... It's good to know who is watching me.

 

lol

 

ok... DT. DT. DT. All 5 bars are tuned!!!! one is still a little sharp ( :'( ) but I turned the second harmonic too and they all work... Everything fits together in theory, and I've started putting it together properly. I now have a list of thigns I need to do in school tomorrow. If anyone has any bike valve rubber - about 2 1/2 foot - it would make my life a lot easier if you could loan it to me so I don't actually have to run into town on monday... and I can actually sort the bars....

 

Waiting can be so irritating sometimes.... meh.... so can complaining so I'll shut up :P

 

Still not done any work for service in 3 weeks now! ugh, and I wont get much done this week either.... in fact I'm pretty screwed! ..... ..... i can't actually think of a solution. Cancelled lesson this week for DT. Need to cancel Greek too. UGH SOME TEACHERS ARE SO IRRITATING. on the other hand... nothing will stop me going to Activity World on Friday!!!!! !!!! which will be great.

I am overpunctuating slightly today... not sure why... I'm tired not hyper and I feel sick... meh... nothing new there. Well apologies anyway.

 

playing "my song is love unknown" on that sunday too so yey. Love that song... only i thought it was mostly lent/Easter - thats when we tend to use it. Tom chose it so yeah... anyway I like it and I can play it so I'm not complaining. And we got out of "of the Father's heart begotten" so more YEY. On the other hand "Forth in the peace of Christ we go" is very nice but not so yey due to the feindish bass part which I will muck up!.... lol...

 

anyway.. need to get cleaned up

xXx
 

17:50 Posted in Complete Random Junk! , Fun , School | Permalink |